New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
