There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
