omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
