before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Randomize
