u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
