shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
