I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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