I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
