So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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