my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
