a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
worst night to have a conscience
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
