Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize