it hurts more in the daytime
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
