Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
