Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
