So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
