why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
