Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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