Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
pray to the hookup gods
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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