"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
