Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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