I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
