It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize