You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
