I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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