Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize