Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you will always have a special place in my vag
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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