another moral hangover. fuck.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize