hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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