porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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