just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
