Ambien. No doubt about it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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