i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
