Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
