the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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