ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
