Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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