Whod you bang
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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