just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
