I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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