At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
