She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
