It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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