Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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