Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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