sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
