I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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