my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize