im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
