Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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