ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
