dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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