It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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