im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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