my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
