seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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