Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize