dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
