im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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