Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
