The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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