Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
