You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
