hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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