You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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