Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
