You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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