One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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