I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
