Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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