Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
