he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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