OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
