mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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